The Pun

Sitdown not Standup: Hip Hop 4 Dummeez

By Mel Campbell ⋅ May 25, 2006 ⋅  Email This Post ⋅  Print This Post ⋅ Post a comment

I know a lot about hip hop. How many licks it takes ’til you get to the centre. The right moments to drop it like it’s hot. And how do I know? Because the crowd went, ‘Ho!’

But according to Canadian hip hop posse the Grafenberg All-Stars, I have much to learn. And in Hip Hop 4 Dummeez, Vowel Movement (Eli Batalion) and Bushman (Kevin Gillese) plan to get their teach on. ‘We like to call it edu-tainment,’ says Vowel Movement.

‘Everybody out there has got hip hop in their blood,’ adds Bushman. ‘There’s type B For Real. A-Yo is another type. O-Yeah’??

The two met on the picturesque Appalachian campus of Hip Hop University, where Vowel Movement graduated in Yo Mama Studies. After receiving an honorary degree in Street Cred, Bushman got his PhD in ‘Whassup’?

Since debuting Hip Hop 4 Dummeez at the 2004 Montreal Just For Laughs Comedy Festival, they’ve been showing non-aficionados how hip hop can advance careers and improve lovemaking skills. Through the magic of PowerPoint, they outline five techniques that audiences ‘can sprinkle around in their day, much like paprika.’

And it’s done as only Canadians can.

‘We were trying to bring ‘Ehh, yo!’ back in, but sometimes we’ll say, ‘Yo, ehhh”? explains Vowel Movement.

I’m surprised to learn the Canadian Arctic Coast’s pivotal role in hip hop culture, from furry parkas to the Snowshoe Posse. Then there’s the North Coast/South Coast beef.

‘There have been a lot of bloody battles fought,’ admits Vowel Movement, ‘usually at the midway point, which I believe is Des Moines, Iowa.’

There will be audience participation’but nothing too scary. It’s all about guiding people to ‘the land of milk and honeys,’ Bushman assures me.

‘If they have any fears of being humiliated, we’ll be in latex suits,’ Vowel Movement chimes in.

So after seeing their show, can even the most wiggity-wack person become a rapper? Absolutely, says Vowel Movement.

‘Although if they are going to drop mad rhymes, they should be very careful of their particular municipality’s littering laws.’

The Grafenberg All-Stars are named after the doctor who discovered the G-spot. So what do Vowel Movement and Bushman think about Melbourne girls?

‘We spent some time in Sydney, and we thought the ladies there were all right, but the girls here have got way more style,’ says Bushman. ‘I don’t know if I’d call them bootylicious, but I’d definitely say they’re fly.’

Asked if they can use the word ‘Beyonc‚àö’? in a sentence, Bushman replies, ‘Absolutely. I’d actually like to Beyonc‚àö? a few girls after the show, if they’re interested.’

‘I wouldn’t stay up Beyonc‚àö? ten o’clock,’ says Vowel Movement.