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You know that moment of excitement when you first find out this year’s Comedy Festival line-up, and there’s one act that you really, really can’t wait to see? Well, I’m sad to say that for me, that moment came when I read two words: Pauly Shore.

Of course, nobody I know seemed to share my excitement. I was all, ‘Come on! Don’t wee-eeze the jui-uice!’ and, ‘Buuuuuuddy!’ and, ‘He dated Kylie Minogue during the filming of Bio-Dome, you know.’ But no biscuit. It doesn’t help that Pauly’s playing Little Vegas, aka The Palms at Crown Casino, which just seems so far away from the Town Hall and the rest of the Festival action.

So I still haven’t made that pilgrimage to see Pauly. But a couple of weeks ago, a friend of mine got a phone call that had her leaping about the lounge room with excitement. Seems a friend-of-a-friend of hers is in charge of chaperoning Pauly during his Melbourne trip. Telling him where the cool bars are, what restaurants to visit, et cetera.

‘So, um, if Pauly is looking for some girls that, like, know how to party, you’ll call me, right’? said my friend. We were both very excited.

But we were not actually planning to sleep with Pauly Shore. You see, we are not comedy groupies.

Just as well, really. Because my friend never got that call. Oh, the nights spent dully at home when we could have been enjoying Pauly’s laconic Californian company. Oh, the parties that ‘Pauly would’ve really liked.’

This all made me wonder why I got excited about him in the first place. Is it irony? Is it nostalgia? Perhaps Pauly Shore represents the excess of the Comedy Festival’its strange ability to attract the lumbering, rhinestone-encrusted rump of fading celebrity. For amid all the excitement about the hungry young up-and-comers, the hot local acts and international superstars at the top of their game, there are also white elephants: acts a little too daggy, too pass√? to find an audience among the sought after young demographic.

But secretly, we want to see ‘em. We want our eyes to measure them against our memories. We’re telling ourselves they’ll be deliciously kitschy and crap, but secretly we want them to come through and be indisputably awesome. Who knows’perhaps Pauly is funny. So Pauly, if you’re reading this, get your people to call. We, like, totally still wanna party.